Rob Moitoza
About Rob Moitoza
Meet the Cavalcade of Stars
Rob Moitoza Discography and Credits
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Send E-mail to Rob Moitoza
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Guiding you through Rob Moitoza's Cavalcade of Stars is none other than Chet Olangray, the host with the most, or at least enough to get you through the evening. Chet's mildly successful career as a rock & roll DJ at WANK in Albany was cut short in 1959 after he turned over secretly recorded conversations to the congressional subcommittee investigating payola practices in the music industry. His actions got him blacklisted from the airwaves for two decades, but he's made something of a comeback in recent years as a second-string emcee for open mic comedy nights and PBS telethons.
 
 
 
Did you hear about the 15-year reunion of the "We Are the World" recording? Apparently nobody else did either. Click here to find out what happened....
 
 
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Rome wasn't built in a day, and as Guy Meyers will tell you, it's because they didn't have pliers. Thanks to Guy's immeasurable passion for pliers (and seemingly limitless advertising budget), folks no longer consider these instruments as mere workhorse tools, but instead hold them in high regard as objets d'art. Guy is in the process of adding a wing to the Meyers' Pliers Suppliers flagship store that will house the Meyers' Pliers Suppliers Museum of Pliers for Buyers & Suppliers of Pliers.
 
 
DISCLAIMER:
Rob Moitoza's Cavalcade of Stars
is a work of satire, and all names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The inclusion of the name of a real person or entity does not imply endorsement of this site, Rob Moitoza's Cavalcade of Stars, or Rob Moitoza by said person or entity.
Rob Moitoza's Cavalcade of Stars "It's an album for everyone...except the very young, the very
old and certain ages
in between."
---Pat Cashman

Parental Advisory - Explicit Content

Streaming audio and video clips require the free RealPlayer.
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Rob Moitoza as The Riff
THE RIFF

Melisma is his middle name, and vocal flourishes are his game. The Riff, a/k/a Shevrahn Hylton Monroe, began singing in the church choir before he was old enough to talk, and his singing style hasn't changed much since those early days in Atlanta. His ability to turn one note into twenty inspired the title of his multi-platinum debut album, Jesus of Jive.


RealAudio: THEY CALL HIM THE RIFF
Video Clip: THE RIFF
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Rob Moitoza as the Music Butchers
THE MUSIC BUTCHERS

Hacks in every sense of the word, this ragtag assemblage of would-be musicians never fails to clear out a bar or kill a good party. Their mysterious ability to still get gigs after 25 years of publicly displayed incompetence has been attributed by some to the bandleader's cocaine connections, while others speculate it has more to do with his manager-girlfriend's oral negotiation skills.




RealAudio: ONE NOTE SONG
Video Clip: THE MUSIC BUTCHERS
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Rob Moitoza as M.C. Square
M.C. SQUARE

Known to all the ladies as "Micro-Soft," M.C. Square grew up tough on the mean streets of Pasadena. His early recordings were released under the name F=ma, but at the urging of his grandfather, Grand Daddy Flash, he gave up his backwards Newtonian ways and opted for a more quantum mechanical moniker. Currently a resident of Scottsdale, Arizona, Square can often be found on the links with fellow golfer Alice Cooper.


RealAudio: NIGGA MUTHA FUCKAS IN THE GHETTO
RealAudio: ROCKY HOUSE
Video Clip: M.C. SQUARE
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Rob Moitoza as Grand Daddy Flash
GRAND DADDY FLASH

Grand Daddy Flash is an O.G. (Original Geeza) among O.G.'s. When arthritis forced him to trade in his Glock for a cane, he embarked on a musical career and pioneered the rap style known as "gumming." Grand Daddy, also known as "Old Pee-Pee," is semi-retired from his associate professorship at Caltech, but every few semesters he drops in to teach a graduate-level course in particle physics.


RealAudio: GRAMPA'S RAP
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Rob Moitoza as The Depressions
THE DEPRESSIONS

After their 1965 chart-topper "Stop, Drop & Roll" was co-opted by fire safety instructors for use in school programs, The Depressions sued every fire department in the nation for copyright infringement. Left broke and embarrassed by the failed lawsuits, they've been touring nonstop ever since to get out of the red. A segment on The Depressions was supposed to appear on an upcoming episode of VH-1's "Where Are They Now?", but network executives nixed it after deeming their story "too depressing."


RealAudio: SAME OLD SORRY BLUES
RealAudio: I SHOULDA BEEN A JUKEBOX
Video Clip: THE DEPRESSIONS
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Rob Moitoza as the Electric Reverend
THE ELECTRIC REVEREND

He was born into the material world as September Yarnell, but he transformed into the Electric Reverend after finding enlightenment under a fake ficus in the food court at South Center Mall. These days he maintains vacation homes in several other planes of existence, and visits the physical plane regularly to deliver his message of reason, peace, and tolerance to the soulful masses. His first book is scheduled to be released later this year, assuming all that nasty legal business with Jonathan Livingston Seagull gets resolved.


RealAudio: GOD IS GREEN
RealAudio: YOU'RE LOUSY
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Rob Moitoza with a coyote hangover
ROB MOITOZA

Sex, drugs, and rock & roll arenít commodities one expects to find in Maine, but Rob encountered plenty of all three when he lived there during his "wild boy days." He didn't survive his escapades completely unscathed, however -- his arms still bear the scars of coyote hangovers long past. Apart from a few dozen unpaid parking tickets littering the backseat of his panel wagon, he's been a law-abiding citizen ever since his arrest for operating an electric bass with no blood in his alcohol.


RealAudio: NO PARTIES 'TIL FURTHER NOTICE
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Rob Moitoza as Jesus H. Crisis & The Holy Guns of God
JESUS H. CRISIS &
THE HOLY GUNS OF GOD

They were a struggling band of zealots playing church revivals and book burnings until Pat Buchanan caught their show in Oneonta, Alabama. Now they're the biggest musical draw on the right-wing concert circuit, playing 310 dates a year at Christian Coalition rallies, NRA-sponsored gun shows, and abortion clinic bombings. Their latest release, Rifles for Righteousness, was critically drubbed by Rolling Stone and Church & State, but Randy Tate, Gary Bauer, and Charlton Heston have all added it to their "desert island discs" selections.


RealAudio: GOD 'N' GUNS
Video Clip: JESUS H. CRISIS & THE HOLY GUNS OF GOD
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Rob Moitoza as Nailin' Jennings
NAILIN' JENNINGS

The Fabulous Bakersfield Boy may not be a household name in the world of country music - yet! - but it's nothing a gig at Nashville's Bluebird Cafe can't remedy. Nailin' is diligently saving up all his wages from his part-time job at Home Depot, and someday soon he'll make that cross-country Greyhound trek to the Land of Opry. He hopes the red, white & blue afterimage that appears after staring at his green, black & yellow guitar will subliminally convince record label executives he's the rightful heir to the Buck Owens throne.


RealAudio: CAIN'T TOUCH THIS
Video Clip: NAILIN' JENNINGS

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Contact Rob ~ Visit Rob's My Space

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CAVALCADE NEWS!

Dr. Demento
selected
"One Note Song"
for inclusion on
"Dr. Demento's Basement
Tapes No. 9
,"
the Fall 2000
CD/cassette
sampler available
to members of
the Demento
Society, journalists,
and radio stations.


"Nigga Mutha Fuckas" spent four months in the Top 20 of mp3.com's Adult Comedy chart...and Rob is hard at work on its follow-up, "Surf Niggaz at the Beach."



REVIEWS:
"This unheralded CD comes very close to doing for today's music scene what Stan Freberg did for the Fifties. It looks at first glance like a compilation CD, featuring such acts as The Music Butchers, M.C. Square, The Depressions, The Electric Reverend and Jesus H. Crisis & The Holy Guns of God, not to mention Nailin' Jennings. Each one, though, is Rob Moitoza himself, with various sidemen, in a series of richly satirical spoofs on various genres of music. Along the way Moitoza also takes aim at gun nuts, violence-spewing rappers and religious hypocrites. I can't say every single bullet is a perfect bulls-eye, but this splendidly produced, great sounding disc is a must for true fans of satire."
----The Demento Society News (No. 122)


"Truly inspired and well-executed stuff! I'll be playing more from it...and reprising "The Riff" from time to time. Very, very funny.... You are a GREAT talent!"
----Pat Cashman (Seattle Radio Host)


"This is great
make-out music... assuming you're making out with a gorilla."
----Pat Cashman (Seattle Radio Host)


"I loved the album because it didn't have any of those annoying silent sections in between cuts. It is, essentially, one
long cut."
----Pat Cashman (Seattle Radio Host)


"Rob's songs run the gamut... from troubled to tortured."
----Pat Cashman (Seattle Radio Host)


"If you buy only one album this year, what kind of cheap bastard are you anyway?"
----Pat Cashman (Seattle Radio Host)


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